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For most of my life, budgeting has felt like being stuck in a relationship I didn’t even agree to.
Controlling. Boring. Overly critical.
Honestly, the kind of partner who tells you “you can’t afford that” while they spend freely on whatever they want.
So last month, I decided to do things differently.
I asked myself: What if I treated my budget like a toxic ex instead of a financial system?
Turns out, that one ridiculous question actually helped me fix the way I manage my money.
Here’s what I did—and why it worked.
Toxic Trait #1: Guilt-tripping me every time I spent money
If you’ve ever had the misfortune of being in a relationship with a controlling person you start to hear that little voice in your head every time you buy something.
“Did you really need that?”
“That’s why you’re always broke.”
Budgets often become guilt machines.
But if your ex tried to pull that emotional manipulation, you’d block their number.
So I did the same to my budget.
I stopped tracking every $4 coffee or panicked spreadsheet line.
I gave myself permission to just buy the thing—without the shame spiral.
Weirdly, the more I did that, the less I impulse bought.
Turns out when you remove guilt, you also remove rebellion.
Toxic Trait #2: Always trying to control me
Toxic exes hate flexibility.
So do bad budgets.
Every month I’d plan out all my “perfect” spending goals.
And every month life would punch me in the face and laugh.
This time, I left space.
I gave myself a “no questions asked” buffer.
Did I stick rigidly to my budget?
No, I did not!
But, did I finally feel like I was working with my money instead of being punished by it?
Absolutely.
Toxic Trait #3: Saying “you’re the problem”
Old me: If I can’t stick to a budget, I must suck at money.
New me: Maybe the budget sucks.
We blame ourselves way too quickly.
But if something isn’t working for you month after month…
Maybe it’s not that you lack discipline.
Maybe the tool you’re using is broken.
I stopped trying to follow someone else’s idea of what a budget should look like.
The frameworks. The formulas. The “must-dos” that always made me feel like I was failing before I’d even started.
I built a version that fit me.
No guilt. No shame. Just awareness, freedom, and basic math.
What I Learned
- Shame doesn’t improve spending habits—awareness does
- Flexibility > perfection
- Most budgeting advice sounds smart, but feels like emotional manipulation
Honestly, I stopped trying to “be good with money” and started trying to have a better relationship with it.
Not perfect. Not strict. Just… functional.
And maybe that’s the whole point.
One Last Thought…
If budgeting feels like you’re stuck with someone who drains your energy, cancels your plans, and criticizes your choices…
You don’t need a better spreadsheet.
You need a breakup.
And then, maybe, a healthier connection—on your terms.
Start there.
