I feel a kind of shame when I realise I’ve been trying to be “good with money” for years and… nothing much has changed
My savings account hasn’t grown much
My credit card is still almost maxed out
The spreadsheet gave up on me before I gave up on it
And eventually
I just got tired
Pretending that sticking to a budget felt empowering
Obsessing over every cappuccino
Feeling like being “good with money” was just something I tried along the way
Can you relate to that feeling?
So I gave it up
And not in a meltdown kind of way
Not in a “screw it, I’m buying a jet ski” moment
Just quietly
In the way you stop going to a gym you never liked
Or stop texting someone who never really made you feel good
Have you ever dropped something quietly like that? Not with drama—just… done?
I walked away from the idea of being good with money
And started doing something that I believe makes so much more sense
The problem with being “good with money”
Easy to say, right
Good with money
Be smart
And disciplined
Only
what it really means is
You need consistency
No emotion
Be a spreadsheet with arms and legs
And that’s never how money has worked for me
The minute I tried to be “good”
I found myself in the middle of a weird guilt spiral where spending anything fun felt wrong
But not spending anything felt… depressing
Have you ever caught yourself stuck in that weird space where both options feel like losing?
And no matter how well I behaved
It never seemed to fix the underlying stress
Because money isn’t just math
It’s memory
Emotion
Shame
Fear
Desire
All tangled together in one tight ball
Trying to untangle that by following a color-coded budget template is a bit like trying to solve heartbreak with a to-do list
Tell me that’s not exactly what it feels like sometimes
What I’m doing instead
If there’s a method at all to my thinking
it’s loosely built around this idea
Stop trying to be perfect
Start trying to be aware
That’s it
No rigidity
No five-step plan
Just one shift
Have you ever tried just not fixing it, and just noticing it instead?
I’ve started asking different questions
Not
“Am I being good with money right now”
But
“What am I really trying to feel here”
Or
“Do I want this
Or do I want to feel like I’m in control of something”
Or
“Would I still buy this if no one ever saw it”
It’s not advice
It’s just curiosity
And it’s changed the way I approach spending
Not every time
But more often than before
What would change for you if you asked different questions like that?
I stopped tracking every penny
There was a time I tried to track everything
That I spent
Every snack
Every guilty pleasure disguised as a “necessary purchase”
It became a full-time job
And honestly
I wasn’t paying myself enough for that kind of emotional labour
Now I just keep a rough awareness
No apps
No colour charts
Just a general sense of what’s coming in
and what’s quietly drifting away
It’s not perfect. And It’s not for everyone, I know
But it’s peaceful
And sometimes peace is all we need
Would you trade perfection for peace if it meant you’d actually keep going?
I started building buffers instead of budgets
The word “budget” still makes me feel depressed
So now
when I think about money
I think in buffers
A little space between me and the panic
Room for a bad week
Cash for a flat tyre
Room for a mood
I don’t allocate every dollar to a box
I just leave space
That space has saved me more than any budget ever has
Do you ever just wish there was breathing room built into your money?
I stopped punishing myself for not being a machine
Sometimes
I spend money because I’m tired
Or lonely
Or because it’s Tuesday and life feels weird
And I’m okay with that now
Not because it’s ideal
But because pretending I don’t do it has never made it stop
Being human is not a financial failing
And I’m not here to win points for restraint
Does that idea give you even a tiny bit of relief?
I don’t chase the high anymore
I think you might know what I mean, here
The feeling you get when you’ve been “really good” all week
And you look at your bank balance and feel virtuous
Like you deserve a medal
Only
it fades fast
And then you end up impulse buying something dumb because you’ve been so “good” you feel like you earned it
That loop is exhausting
And I’m not playing it anymore
I don’t want to be rewarded for restraint
I want to feel okay with balance
Doesn’t that sound a little more sustainable?
So where does that leave me?
I’m not rich
Not debt-free
Not a finance guru with a system to sell
Just someone who’s figured out that being “good with money” is often just another trap
I’d rather be honest
A little messy
And still standing
If money is going to be part of life
I’d like to live mine without turning every decision into a scorecard
So no
I’m not good with money
But I’m getting better at being me around money
And that feels like a better goal anyway
Would that kind of shift feel better to you too?
I know this isn’t for everyone and many people feel more comfortable with a budget. If that’s you, then more power to you and keep doing what you feel is the best thing for you. These are just my thoughts on money and how I like to deal with it.
Note: This content is for entertainment purposes only and is not financial advice. Please consult a qualified financial advisor for guidance specific to your situation.
